SHORT STORY - THE LIVING SOAM

THE LIVING SOAM

By: Emmanuel Coleman

This morning, when I bought my copy of the Daily Graphic, his picture was boldly displayed on the front page. I haven’t seen his face for the past twenty years. When I read the headlines it said: CONTRACTOR CONVICTED FOR CAUSING FINANCIAL LOSS TO THE STATE.

The story said he had defrauded the state of over fifty-five million dollars for contracts he wasn’t awarded and never performed. The judge sent him away for a whopping seventy-three years in prison with hard labour. That was as good as a life sentence.

When we were in the second term of our first year in Bishop Lawrence’s Boys Secondary School, Kwesi Enu joined us from another school. He became both my class mate and dormitory mate. He was a lively little chap who most of the time wore a self-satisfied grin on his face. In no time he became one of the most troublesome juniors in the school. In fact not a single day would pass without my friend getting into one form of trouble or the other. He was popularly known as “The Living Soam.” This was shortened to either “Soam” or “The Living.”

Soam took part in all of the illegal activities in the school. He studied after lights out. He smuggled food out of the dining hall. He flipped over the walls and ran to town without exeat. He also bribed the security man at the gates so he could get easy access in and out of the school.

Soam skipped classes and dodged house chores. When mangoes and oranges were in season, he raided the orchard behind the Reverend Fathers’ residence. He bribed seniors to let him off manual work and serving and trafficked Hausa koko during classes periods.

One time, Soam did something rather unheard of in the whole history of Bishop Lawrence’s Boys. He went for “mining” at about two in the morning. When he got to the classroom block, he saw all those illegally in the classrooms quietly studying. As he watched them, a crazy thought came to his mind. He decided to give all these studious fellows a good scare.

 Soam was dressed in black. He had on a black sweatshirt, a pair of black tights and on his head he had a black woolen cap to ward off mosquitoes. He rolled the woolen cap over his face so nobody could identify him and moved to the windows. He stretched his hand through the window and tapped one fellow who was sitting by it on the shoulder. The boy turned. His eyes met a black faceless figure. The boy was startled and gave a sudden loud shriek. The shriek cut through the quiet morning air and echoed and re-echoed throughout the classroom area.

For a few moments, everyone seemed rooted to their chairs, then suddenly every single boy, juniors and seniors alike, took to their heels in different directions. Even the senior prefect who was also there fled without his shoes.

When the boys in the other classrooms heard the clamour and shouts and saw the others running helter skelter, they also took to their heels. Soon, the whole school was in confusion. Nobody knew exactly what was happening and why they were running. Everyone was giving a different account of what was going on.

Soam on his part was delighted with the effect of his prank. He laughed and laughed. In fact after a while when some of the more pluckier boys decided to investigate what exactly was going on, they found Soam helplessly paralyzed with mirth on the floor of one of the classrooms.

This prank cost him a week of internal suspension. But he didn’t seem to care. As a matter of fact, while he was weeding the plot allotted to him for his punishment, he would pause now and then and have a good laugh. He actually told some of us that the punishment was really worth the effect of the prank. He had no regrets and would do it again if he had the chance. This was how naughty The Living Soam was but we really admired his audacity.

One evening, when we were in our senior year, some dorm mates and I followed the living Soam to town. We flipped over the wall with him and went into the town. He took us to a nightclub where a DJ was playing dancehall and reggae music. Soam procured some tickets for us and we went in. There were some girls from some of the mixed schools around. That night we had a lot of fun. We danced with and chatted up the girls until it was about 3 am when we left the nightclub. We made our way back to school in very high spirits raring to relate our experiences to our other mates. We flipped over the wall into the school’s compound and just when we were sneaking our way back into the boarding house, we were accosted by the new senior housemaster who stood like Balaam’s ass in our way with two of the school’s security men.

Everything about us showed we were returning from a night-out in town. The senior housemaster wrote down our names on a piece of paper, folded it and put it into his pocket. The list of our names was to be submitted to the headmaster so we would be processed for external suspension.

We were in a jam! What were we going to tell our parents when we were sent home? In fact, what was I going to tell my very strict parents when I got home? I knew I was in SERIOUS trouble. All of us, except Soam, seemed to be very worried about our predicament. He was as carefree as ever.

When morning assembly was called that morning, I went with a heavy heart. I stood there with a worried look on my face. All the fun of the previous night seemed like ashes in my mouth. My other friends also looked worried but Soam, Soam seemed as gay as a jaybird. He laughed and joked with the other students as if nothing had happened.

After the prayers, the master on duty came and gave his announcements. The assistant headmaster also delivered his admonitions and issued some orders to the various class prefects. Then it was the turn of the senior housemaster. As was usually his custom since he came to our school, I expected him to talk about the students he caught returning from town that dawn. Sure enough he began to fish into the pocket he had put the list of names on the sheet of paper. A look of surprise crossed his face.  He opened his mouth as if to say something and stopped. Maybe he had misplaced the paper or left it in his office. Whatever it was, I knew sooner or later we had it coming.

I stole a glance at The Living Soam. He was grinning from ear to ear like a split tomato. I wondered what kind of stuff he was made of. I wished I had his audacity. I wished I had his almost reckless courage.

Throughout that day, I was apprehensive. Any time I saw the senior housemaster, I nearly jumped out of my skin with fear. The same was the case with the other fellows we went with. Soam alone was unperturbed. The day passed without the senior housemaster coming after us. The next day, and the day after, nothing happened. On the fourth day after we were caught by the senior housemaster, Soam asked me why I looked so worried. I was amazed he could ask me such a question.

“Ei Soam!” I said in astonishment. “What kind of question is that? Have you forgotten the jam we got ourselves into?”

“What jam? Ah, what jam?” he retorted. “Look, why are you such a coward? Let me tell you something. And take this on my authority. Absolutely nothing is going to happen. The senior housemaster is not going to call us. The names he wrote never got to the headmaster and neither you nor I nor any of the other guys are going on any external suspension.”

“Ei Soam how do you know our names never got to the headie?” I queried in surprise, wishing it was the truth.

“My friend, trust me. When I say he is not going to call us to face headie, he is not!” Soam said with that annoying self-assured grin on his face. “If he could haul us before headie, why hasn’t he? You wait, after prep tonight I will show you something.”

I wanted to know what it was he was going to show me after prep but Soam refused to reveal what it was before I saw it. He also made me promise not to divulge what it was after I’d seen it to any soul.

That evening I couldn’t wait for the prep to come to an end. I kept on glancing at my watch. I was also thinking about what Soam told me earlier that day. If the senior housemaster could take us to the headmaster, why hasn’t he? I wondered why Soam was so sure of things. What was it he had seen that the rest of us hadn’t? What did Soam know that we didn’t know?

After what seemed an eternity, the bell rang for the end of evening prep. I immediately packed my things and went in search of Soam. I found him talking with some boys behind House 4. I joined them and stood there waiting as they joked on. After about five minutes, we took our leave when the crowd grew a little larger.

Instead of heading for the dormitories, Soam led me to one of the entrances of the dining hall, the one near the floodlights. There was nobody there. He looked around carefully. When he was satisfied, he pushed his hand into his satchel and pulled out a crumpled piece of paper.

When I saw the sheet I wondered what it was.

“What is that, Soam?” I asked curiously.

 “Have a look yourself,” he said and pushed it into my hands. When I unfolded it, my mouth dropped open in amazement. I just couldn’t believe my eyes. It was the list of our names, written in the senior housemaster’s handwriting.

For some time I couldn’t utter a word. I didn’t know whether I was awake or dreaming. How on earth did that rascal Soam get this piece of paper that I myself had seen the senior housemaster put into his own pocket?

“Soam… Soam, how did you get this?” I asked after I regained control of my tongue.

“Ah, how do you think I got it? I stole it of course.” Soam said matter-of-factly.

“Soam! You didn’t do that!” I was scandalized, relieved and thrilled all at once.

“Yeah, I actually picked his pocket right after he put the piece of paper in,” Soam revealed proudly. “Why? Did you think I was going to let him take the evidence of our nocturnal activity to the headmaster? Have you forgotten I’ve signed a bond of good behavior? I would’ve gotten the sack if the headmaster saw this piece of paper.”

“Eeiii Soam! was all I could say.