PARENTING: HAVE WE ROMANTICISED IT?

 

Before I had a child, I used to think of how blessed a couple were to have children, how fun it must be to have children, and how exciting I was going to make my own parenthood. I could daydream about how we would spend time playing games and having fun, just like I saw in pictures and movies. Forget about the nastier scenes of tantrums; my children were going to be of good behaviour naturally. Oh, the sweet summer child I was.

After having mine, I have come to realise – as many other parents have confirmed – that parenting is not as easy as it has been made to appear on TV and social media. Parenting is more than just goofing around with the child. There’s a whole phase that no one ever talks about. Everyone focuses on the positives: children are blessings, children are cute, children are funny and add colour to life.

Is it wrong to highlight the positives of childbearing? No, it’s not. However, pause in your romantic daydreaming of having and raising children and consider a few things first. Man or woman, you’ve got to stop and consider before you unplug the seeds onto fertile grounds.

1.      Getting and remaining pregnant is the most fun and easiest part of the process.

Ohh, we all love to get our groove on in the privacy of our rooms. We do it more often when we want to conceive. Trust me, that the easiest part. Granted, some of us succeed on the first try, while some of us have to work extra hard, even employ western and traditional medicines to conceive. In all, that is the easiest part of the whole matter.

2.      Raising a child is expensive.

From diapers to education and everything between, get ready to spend a huge part of your salary or investment on your child(ren). Have it in mind that you’re buying diapers until your child adapts to the potty, which is another story on its own. If you want the best education for your child, be prepared to pay the best part of your earnings for it. Hospital visits? Pray your child’s immune system can withstand a lot. Else, drugs will become another spender of your earnings.

3.      Breastfeeding takes its toll.

Something as ‘simple’ as breastfeeding a baby does a number on the mother, and most times the father of the baby as well. Imagine the body/system of a woman generating enough food for her own cells as well as converting everything to digestible milk for an infant. Even it it’s formula, imagine… Which leads to the next point…

4.      Bye bye, Sleep. For the next two years, at least.

Yes. Sleep is going to become a very essential commodity for you and your partner as parents. You’ll begin to wonder why you didn’t take advantage of all the tap times you chose to rather surf the internet, where time flew by, and when, oh when you can get at least a three-hour-straight sleep. Is this the end? Nope, wait for it.

5.      Fatigue and Stress, anyone?

In large doses! Combine lack of sleep to ensuring that there’s enough milk in the boobies for baby (eating well, taking supplements) and cleaning up baby messes (all of it from soiled diapers to clothes) and you have a lovely recipe for constant fatigue. We are always advised to get help if we can. A washing machine, a relative to help with the baby… you know, that can help the woman. But what happens to the father who still needs to go to work every day after not getting enough rest during the night and return to the same routine of a yelling baby? Big ups to fathers! Are we done? Gird your loins.

6.      Character building begins from Day 1!

Have you ever read ‘Train up a child in the way he should go…’ in the Bible? Selah! And oh, these miniature adults have a working brain that usually functions contrary to your expectations. I have discovered that consistency is key in forming character of children. It is not advisable to leave the child to become whatever they want to become because you’ll never know what they will become. They do not know the world like we do, and they need our help in their formative years to make the right decisions when our influence wanes as the years go by. There is more to it, but it's in the experience.

7.      Intimacy?

Yeah, sure. But you’ve got to be quick. You don’t want to be interrupted by wailing from a demanding baby right when things get steamy. Neither do you want to be walked in on by an older child. Timing is key in having children around while trying to maintain a level of intimacy to keep your relationship. After all, you didn’t marry to only raise children. Or did you?

            Inasmuch as we consider it a blessing to have children, we must begin to wake up to the fact that it is not that romantic to have them. Having and raising children is hard work. There’s no holiday. There’s no break. If you have them, be thankful. If you don’t, be thankful anyway. One day you’ll experience things for yourself. Cheers.