A MESS OF THINGS
Whenever they
met, Lily always updated them with the latest gossip on campus, Jade brought the
latest political trends and business news, and Bech shared info on latest entertainment
programs. They were a funny trio, and it was a wonder to many who knew them as individuals
how they managed to remain so close to one another despite their stark differences.
But they found joy in one another. Until recently.
At their meeting,
Lily was the enthusiastic one. She regaled all the latest gossip on campus and
in the country, yet her friends did not look interested. Each looked lost in
thought, and rightly so. For while Lily was recounting her news, Jade’s mind
kept wandering back to that night three weeks ago, wondering why Bech would kiss
him so passionately yet push him away. Was it a game that she played? Did she
enjoy toying with men? He chanced a look at her from the corner of his eyes:
she was concentrating on the paper she had brought with her. Things had changed
between them, he could tell. For one, Bech was not her jovial self. She was
reserved, but she had a smile all the time. Today, her smile seemed forced. Her
greeting to him did not include the usual friendly banter they engaged in. Bech
and he had a similar IQ and they traded jabs at will; Lily usually seemed lost
in their banters so she just observed.
But today,
Bech was quiet. Jade knew he had something to do with it. This was the first
time they were meeting after that fateful encounter on the lane. If Jade was
completely honest with himself, he had not thought of anything or anyone as
much as he did Bech. The kiss they had shared had opened wide the small crack
he thought he had patched. He didn’t fall in love, he reminded himself. Girls fell
in love with him and he took advantage of them. In his opinion, girls did not
appreciate love, and he had several experiences to prove it. Girls did not want
honest men, men who would take care of them; they preferred ‘bad’ boys who
would mess up their lives and break their hearts into multiple pieces and later
apologise with food or money. The girls he had encountered were selfish shallow ones who cared only about the here and now. They had no vision or plan for their
own lives.
Jade sighed,
attracting a curious look from Lily. Bech did not even raise her head. Jade smiled
at Lily to indicate that everything was fine, but he knew it wasn’t. And Lily
wasn’t insensitive to the atmosphere either. She quietly excused herself to the
bathroom; they would need it.
As soon as Lily
left, Jade flicked Bech’s forearm and asked, “Why are you avoiding me?”
Bech did not look up when she
replied, “I’m not. You always know where to find me.”
Then Jade shot back, “I’ve been
trying to see you alone for the past three weeks.”
“What for?
Was the other night not enough for you?”
“No!” and he
bit his tongue. That was the wrong reply at the right time. Bech looked up at
him once, shook her head, and returned to her paper. “I didn’t mean it that way,
Bech. I only wanted us to talk about what’s going on between us now.” Silence. A long one.
“What’s going
on, Jade?” Bech finally said. She wore a perfect mask of disenchantment. Bech
was difficult to read. She didn’t allow herself to be predictable; it was too
dangerous. She went on, “I’m not the first woman you’ve kissed; why should I feel
special? To you, it’s another conquest on your list. I’m only disappointed in
myself for responding to you as shamelessly as I did. So… I don’t know what
more you want. Or, should I entertain you in my bed now?” Bech scoffed and
shook her head.
Just as Jade
was about to reply, he saw Lily approaching them with canned drinks. Lily knew
at once that the atmosphere had changed. She looked from one friend to the
other and quietly placed their drinks in front of them.
Bech began to
pack her papers into her bag when Lily started distributing the drinks. She could
no longer stay there. Her breath was becoming shallow. She picked up her drink
and said, “I have to leave you, friends. I’ve got some things to catch up with.”
Immediately Lily got up too. “I’m
coming with you. You asked me to help you, remember?” Lily shook her head, “You’re
growing old, Bech. You forget easily.”
Bech shook
her head. She knew she had no activity with Lily but somehow Lily reads her
easily. She knew she knew. Besides, Bech figured, she could use some
help.
Lily also
picked up her drink and followed Bech out of the bar. They walked quietly for
some time, heading anywhere their feet took them. Lily held Bech’s hand like
the good old friends they were. She allowed Bech the silence she needed; whenever
she was ready, she would talk.
And she did. “Lily,
what’s wrong with me?”
“What
happened, my friend?”
Bech stopped
walking. “Jade kissed me!”
Lily had
figured that much out but she said nothing. She just waited for her friend, as
her friend had done for her when she lost her family and had no one to turn to.
When Bech said nothing more, Lily asked her, “Has he made you his girlfriend
now?”
“I can’t bear
to look at him, Lily.”
“Do think you
feel something for him?”
Bech sighed. “I’ve
never thought of him in that light. He’s just been a good friend to me all this
while. Lily, doesn’t he have a girlfriend? There’s always one girl or another hovering
over him… why are you laughing?”
When Lily
calmed, she said, “Bech, Jade always has women around him when he’s not with us
but none of them is special to him. He’s not been in any serious relationship
since he met you.” At the widening of Bech’s eyes, Lily nodded. “It makes sense
to me now. He’s been fighting his attraction to you since he met you. It’s been
a tough fight, to want someone you fear to have. Come on,” she put her arm around
her friend’s shoulder, “my place is closer than yours. Let’s go there and talk.”
As they went,
Bech asked, “Why would he choose me? I don’t qualify. I have seen the kind of
women who hang around him. I am nothing like those women. They are
sophisticated. They know the times. They can engage him on all levels.”
“And you are
smarter than all of them,” Lily interrupted her friend. “Bech, are you that
blind? He has been falling for you since whenever. He tries to hide it. See,
the other day, we really didn’t need to meet you at your place to go to the
play. You know you could have picked us up at our bus stops along the way. Remember
I mentioned it? Why would he go to great lengths to see you, if he didn’t find
you completing him in any way?”
Now that Lily
mentioned it, Bech recalled that particular argument. Lily had complained that
they would have to do a walk backward to get to Bech’s place when the theatre
was on their way from Bech’s place. But Jade had insisted on it, and Lily
had succumbed to it. What if Lily was right?
“Bech, do you
feel anything for Jade?” Lily asked. They had reached her door and she was turning
the lock.
“I don’t know,
Lily. I don’t know.” They stepped into Lily’s spacious hall.
“Then why did
you kiss him back?” Lily threw her arms wide to indicate that Bech should make
herself comfortable. They plopped into her loveseat.
“I don’t know.
He made me feel…” Bech began to think. She had responded to Jade. He brought
out something she didn’t know she had in her. He made her feel… safe. Secure. Bold.
She shook her head. “I don’t know, Lily. But I can’t trust him. What if he does
the same thing to me as he does to the others?”
“Then I will
strangle him with my two slender hands.”
Lily raised her hands to show Bech which made the latter laugh. Lily had
very slender hands; she couldn’t even hold Jade’s triceps with one hand.
They continued
to converse for a long while after that and Bech felt much better. Men were problems
anyway; all women’s problems begin with ‘men-’.
They had a merry time, completely
unaware of the clouds gathering outside. A storm was brewing, the magnitude of which
was going to topple their world as they knew it.
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